Reply to this post and I'll tell you one reason why I like you. Then you must post the same in your journal.

I’ve just come from doing some sort of schoolwork in a computer lab, and am carrying my laptop with me in a backpack. I’m standing in a line for an army drill squad, wearing gear, with my backpack (which is now an army pack) to my right and in front of me. Claire is also “enlisting.” The sergeant says some stuff to us and we finish gearing up, but in my hurry I forget the socks before I put my boots on, and my first pair of gloves before I put on the bigger leather shell ones. Then we’re climbing into the plane – there’s a tiny platform similar to the vestibule in a bus, but half the size, with one ladder from the floor to the next level on either side. The one to my right leads to the enemy squad’s plane, and the one to my left leads to ours, but I forget and start to get on the wrong one. Allison is on the enemy squad and starts to board that one, and Claire starts to board the right one, so I figure out where I’m supposed to go. Claire gets in her seat before me since she got on first; this consists of literally climbing over two rows of already-seated squad members, as there is no aisle between the seats. The first row is full, but the second is nearly empty, and we sit in the third. As we get going after takeoff, we look out the window as we pass the platforms of different drill squads. Each one had a few officials and sergeants and such on them, and each platform we pass has a sergeant who’s pretending to hang himself, and has made a private help by standing there and holding the rope. Later the next group of people boards, and they’re in the drill as prostitutes. One girl comes on wearing a satiny red dress and black gloves but she seems to think it’s funny more than anything. She starts flirting with a guy and talking about her boobs, then pulls out a long red sock striped with silver and laughs, saying her friend made her stuff them to be funny. She then drapes it around her shoulders and says it’s her snake, and it’s now yellow and red and green and looks like a stuffed toy snake.

I’m in a TV show, but the events are also actually happening to me. I have a little boy and girl; the girl is one year older than the boy. We’re all sleeping in my bed, with the girl to my left and the boy to my right, even though they’re probably two and three. We hear something and I pull them close to me, but it’s nothing. Later they start fussing with each other for some reason, and I take the girl outside the room to talk with her for a minute about why this has to be such-and-such. We go back in. Later I’m sitting in the bed with my husband (he's on top of the blankets), and he has a bottle of beer and I have a can. The kids are sleeping, and we puncture my can near the top and somehow his bottle has a square chip missing, and we’re sucking on them trying not to spill, and we start laughing as quietly as we can so we don’t wake the kids. Then I’m talking to him, the kids are awake, and I’m saying, can’t we get ___ a crib? Isn’t she old enough? And my husband is telling me she isn’t. But then I say, "But which kid are we on?" referring to the total number of kids I’m supposed to have throughout the duration of the show.

I'm working at a Jimmy John's, and can’t quite get the hang of it. I come in late - 4:05 for a 4 pm shift - but am getting a raise that day anyway (the manager, who is relatively short and vaguely chubby, drops some coins in my hand. Apparently this represents having a higher wage). I start to work, but have a rough time of it: I keep noticing that I'm grabbing handfuls of shredded mozzarella without gloves on, and I look down several times and realize I'm not wearing shoes while working. Apparently the choices here are 6" or 8” subs, and the space I'm working in is kind of dark, with dark red tile floors and lots of dark wood.

A huge party of kids comes in with a chaperone, and they start watching a kind of scary movie in the dining area, which is more like a lobby than anything, and is also very dark - I think there are dark wood walls and dark greenish (green-blue?) carpet. The ovens somehow open up and have giant rollers in them, and the manager and I start running cake and fondant through them. The giant pans we're putting it all in are stored on giant racks behind and below these rollers, in some cellar-like area - I think you have to walk through the ovens to get to them (they're not very long, though). Then I'm alone in the store and it's time for me to go (it wasn't weird at all that this huge party was here after anyone was supposed to be working). I know that the chaperone is an evil witch that is going to kill them, but I leave anyway. My room is now located one floor above the store, off one of those hallways that you see in hotels where you look up from the lobby and see all the different floors.

I wake up and go into the next room over from mine, which has light terra cotta-colored walls with white trim, and sliding glass doors across from the hallway door that have off-white/tan blinds hanging in front of it. I see two snow-leopard-dogs laying on the bed, and I know that I am going to kill them both. They both get up calmly, and one walks between the bed and the sliding doors. I kill that one by snapping its neck. I go to the next one, and it changes into a person (which I am not fazed by). I try to strangle it/him via choke, but he just sits there calmly, kind of twisting a little. This goes on for a while with me trying different holds, but then he looks at me and asks if I really want to do this or something like that, and starts kissing me. I remember that I do have to kill him, and somehow he dies - I don't remember if I actually did anything to kill him.

Later that same day I'm walking towards work with my manager and a coworker, whom I think was a Filippino girl with a slightly chubby face (she may have been one of my Filmmaking classmates). The coworker knows about the kids being killed, but the manager doesn't. Technically I would be liable for all of them, because it happened while I was there - even though I hadn't been on the clock when I went to bed. I have a company phone on me, and it gets a voicemail. I listen to it, and it’s from one of the kids from last night (who apparently survived and got home, and didn't say anything to anyone) saying he can’t take the guilt anymore and wants to talk about last night. I duck around the corner entrance to my right with my coworker, and ask her what we should do. I don’t want to tell the manager, but she does. We then go inside and there are tons of boxes of stuff from last night – mostly dark green and red tomes, but we also pull out a crucifix and a pentagram after digging through only very briefly. The manager is confused but not suspicious yet. We tell the manager his cats are missing, and I elaborate that I haven’t seen them at all that morning. He turns to a pair of sliding doors that are up a few brick stairs to our right and calls for them my their names of Whiskers and Long Ears.

And it ends there. ...I was out of it for a while after this one.

Another moody Christmas Eve. It's like however happy I get on the 23rd is reciprocated in resentment and self-deprecation the 24th. Low self-esteem abounds yearly today. At least this way the score is even on Christmas day.

My mom usually starts annoying me my second day home. It's like she tries to mimic my sense of humor but it's just annoying. (Yeah yeah, I'm annoying already, hilarious.)

And apparently Kelly just hasn't been getting enough affection from John for the last 8.5 years, because they still kiss in front of us and it just pisses me off. Seriously, they've lived together for years and they still are not even remotely sick of each other. Can I have my brother back for five minutes, please? As in, without you too? Sure Kelly's a great girl and they're a great couple, but that doesn't mean they have to come as a package deal. She can survive without him for a day.

I swear, if Dan buys me anything for Christmas I'm going to kill him. If we ever hang out I should probably switch to the phone he bought me last October, since he called me out on it last time. Whatever. I don't even like that phone. It's too big and stupid. I like my small, simple phone. I really don't even care about having a nice one anyway, I just need to make calls and text. Yet another tiny little reason why Dan and I were a bad couple in the first place.

I hate feeling guilted into things. The entire idea of exchanging gifts due to obligation is stupid. If you find or make something that someone would really like, go for it. But none of this running around crap because you owe it to someone. Write them a card or something. I'm all for making other people happy, but I'll do it because I want to, not because it's expected of me.

Sorry to dump on the holidays; I really do enjoy Christmas, I promise. Just had to drop some stuff. I'll probably have another post tomorrow about how wonderful everything in the world is and how awesome my family is and all that stuff. Just not now.

Full-spectrum light box arriving soon. Oh yes. It'll be so cool if it helps.

Also, I need to go to the rec more. There's no reason for me not to.


Why must I write this paper? Can't you see I have very important doodles to draw?

 I've lately been more willing than usual to listen to angsty music...and enjoy it. That might mean the winter blues are coming up. Just gotta keep busy is all.

I probably won't have trouble finding things to do this year, at least - this film class has got me on my toes. Treatment for the next one's due Tuesday, but also I should start planning out the final now so I don't run out of time, as I usually do.

I also have this goal floating in the back of my head: I want to show my work somewhere by the end of the school year. I don't really even care where, it could be Hard Times or The Tea Garden instead of a real gallery. It would just be really awesome to be out there.


I have the feeling I'm going to be writing in this a lot.


Postscript:
Film update!
Bizri told me my film was the best of the class. Also, if I change it to black/white and change the credits, I'm getting an A+.
Oh my god, I still can barely believe it.

I'm sicky. I probably have what my dad had when he visited a couple days ago. He said it was mostly sinus/head cold symptoms. I've got sinus/congestion, sore throat on occasion, slight headache. We're both foggy.

So I'll probably end up just doing a crap ton of drawings in bed. Or sleeping. Mmmm.

Speaking of 'mmm,' I was supposed to go to dinner with John and his dad but had to bail :( Sorry, John. I did want to go. Promisies.

I should avoid doing what I usually do when I get sick, which is take one day off and then decide that's enough. Then I tire myself out and make myself sick again. Bad form.

Maybe I'll start myself a blog for the heck of it. Shrug.

Parents just left.


Tomorrow is as follows:

     Art History midterm (so not prepared)
     Judo
     Hopefully finally show some film in Fundamentals, gotta edit today
     Turn in paper at Philosophy

Pretty much back-to-back.

I'm not so much worried about it all anymore - it'll happen.


Messed up with Drawing today though - for the third time, too. Time to hit the make-up sessions.